North Dakotan Sensibilities...

I am not a fashion guru or icon by any means, but I do occasionally watch “What Not to Wear” and I also enjoy flipping through People magazine and offering my opinion on “Who Wore it Best?” So, since I have now established my credibility, here are the things that need to be rethought you silly citizens of Fargo-Moorhead:

1) If your children are wearing winter coats and boots, you should not be wearing a short sleeve shirt and shorts. Your children’s sensibilities should also translate to you.

2) If you are wearing a winter coat, it is not seasonally appropriate to be wearing flip-flops. Every appendage should be free from frost-bite.

3) If there is still snow on the ground, do not wear summer gladiator sandals to church (or ever, if you ask me). You look silly and you will get cold.

4) 50 degrees DOES feel like a heat-wave, I understand. However, your 3 year old child might be a bit chilly in a short-sleeve shirt on the playground. And no, your cigarette smoke will not warm him up…it actually makes my child cough.

5) Not necessarily related to fashion, but to common politeness – Please pick up your Starbucks AFTER church and not BEFORE.

Professionalism

So, I’ve had a bad day.

I got a lecture from my supervisor (whom I think very little of) about my unprofessional posture at an internal team meeting. Dear Blogreaders, it is true. When I was in a closed meeting room, with 2 coworkers and my supervisor, and as the meeting rounded into its second hour, I did indeed slouch in my chair for a period of approximately 2 minutes as my back was cramping up.

I sincerely apologize for how deeply this must have offended you. This was indeed quite unprofessional of me. I should know better.

This is what I wanted to say: “Oh, thanks for bringing up the topic of professionalism. There are a couple things that I wanted to mention to you as well. Here, let me outline them so your feeble mind can follow along:

1) When I have to wake you up at home to remind you that you are already late for meetings, that is generally frowned upon.

2) Spending the morning harvesting your crops on FarmVille, I fear, is typically a ‘no-no’ as well.

3) Showing up late to every single meeting because you are outside smoking, and then reeking of stale smoke, could also be considered unprofessional in some people’s eyes.

4) Having to fudge purchase order numbers so as to not alert your supervisor of your excessive company spending, can reflect poorly on your organizational and fiscal skills.

I hope that this brief outline will also help you to learn what is and isn’t professional when determining what choices to make while you are at work as well.”

I'm BA--AACK!

I’ve been staying away from the blog for quite awhile now. I’ve been cranky, irritable, and quite depressing to be around. I feel like I’ve been white knuckling it for awhile – but NOW I’m doing better. I also have the following to report:

I have made affirmative steps to “take” my life back. (very dramatic, eh?). Come hell or high water, I will be either starting or joining a law office mid-late summer. I have spoken to my previous supervising attorney and it definitely sounds like we can work something out. This would be GREAT and less scary than starting out from scratch… but still risky. My husband is choosing to keep his head in the sand, so he continues to cheer me on – which I appreciate to no end. More details will follow as soon as I know them.

On a completely different note, I am trying out a new antiperspirant called "Certain-Dri" - ever heard of it?? You need to use it at bedtime and it supposedly lasts for 72 hours. Yippee!!

Seven Pseudo-Interesting Facts About Moi.

So, silly Laura has tasked me with providing you three with 7 interesting facts about myself. Hmmm.... I do not know what is interesting about myself necessarily, so I have in turn tasked my family and friends with providing me with interesting facts. Oddly... only a couple of them had anything to say. I'm trying to not take this personally. Here's what they had to say:

My mother said:

(1): Intelligent, nurturing, sense of humor, impatient, loving, caring,
dominant, assertive, good speller, endearing …. Should I go on???

(Nope, that's good. Thanks, mom.)

My co-worker and new friend said

(2): You went to law school for 3 years and now spend your time arguing
with Indians all day long. Also you are VERY quick witted!

(This is true. My job does mean that I need to argue with actual Indians all day
long. At any given time I can tell you what time it is in India.)

(And for the record, she was my friend before she wrote these comments)

My bestest friend in the world that I have neglected since Brandon was born said this about me

(3): i think most things i know about you are probably more personal
than what others know and you probably don't want me to share... ;)
(Yes, that is true.) A rated G one, though, is: the tip of your noes
moves downward when you say "M" words. (Again, very true.)

My latin buddy (the language, not the heritage), HS friend, and re-discovered adult friend said this:

(4) Hmm.
I find your intense and long-lasting love of all things Bon Jovi
pretty interesting. Lots of people have fleeting loves, but yours is a
constant.

(I do love this man forever and always as long as we both
shall live.

Oh wait.. that's for something else.)

And --

(5) This may or may not be interesting, but I remember how you always
used to intentionally button up your sweaters the wrong way so that the buttons
were off by one. Like, the top button would go in the second button
hole.

(This I have no recollection of, and since I didn't have a drop of
alcohol until I was 20 2/3 years old, I know I wasn't drunk. I must have thought this was funny? Oh wait.. knowing myself in my high school days, I was probably trying to make a "statement" about nonconformity and doing what was expected of me...)

She goes on --
(6) In fact, that might be a pretty interesting thing after
all--the fact that many, many of my adolescent memories involve you. (insert: "Awwww that's sweet" here) Here's a brief rundown: Mexican Village salsa with a hint of onion, Junior Mint fiasco, "Hello, boys!" (again... I don't remember this one but I'm having a 'tip of the tongue' phenomenon with this one.), wool mittens from Herbergers (no real story, other than I always think of you when I think of mittens, which is fairly infrequent out here in the desert), and chicken
delivery.

(I would like to clarify that it was NOT Mexican Village salsa -- it was
either the closely packaged "Village" salsa or "Paradiso" salsa, and we found an entire damn onion in there. If you know the consistency of Mexican Village's salsa, you understand how shocking this was; the Junior Mint fiasco occurred during a screening of 'The Age of Innocence' -- when the lights came up, I had melted mints all over my sweater; I have a love of mittens; and the chicken delivery reference is a story worthy of several blog posts, but I'll leave it as "Yes, I have inadvertently and unknowingly participated in delivering frozen chickens across state lines, in a dilapitated van, in order to see a Cure concert.")

(7) I'm having a hell of a time formatting this post and it is infuriating me to no end. (Please reference my mother's description of me... she's right. I'm impatient. I'm done for tonight.)

A Crossed-Fingers Victory

It has been approximately 34 weeks, or 238 days, or 66% of the past 1 year that I have not been able to sleep through the night. Blame it on the pregnant woman's bladder (and the pregnant woman's husband who would wake her up to make sure she was still breathing if her snoring subsided for an extended period of time) and then blame if on the newborn who legitimately needed assistance... and then finally blame it on the mother who could not get it through her head that the baby is only waking up and eating because she goes running in there to pick him up. (But whatever you do, don't Blame it on the Rain! Or the Stars in the Sky...)

It is currently 3:12 a.m. and he has just put himself back to sleep!! I kept telling myself (and the cat who was my copilot in this endeavor as the Husband sleeps through EVERYTHING) that if the baby started seriously getting worked up, "we'd" go in there and soothe him. He never did. This was the first time I actually listened to his cry before going to get him and I was surprised at what I heard. It wasn't the "FEED ME" cry, it was the "Come and Get Me" cry with a side of "I'm Kinda Bored, Lady. Entertain Me." I've been so paranoid about letting him cry for fear that he'll wake up his sister, that I've been ignoring the obvious (at least for tonight) - that he's not really hungry. He's just used to crying/whimpering whenever he wakes up.

The whimpering didn't last long (insert another disclaimer here as I do not want to jinx myself). Gavin the cat has estimated it at around 20 minutes or so. I dare say it was 17 minutes. I'd ask my husband, but he slept through it.

Alas, now I'm so pumped up on my little victory here, I can't sleep. I've harvested some crops and now I've shared with you all (or the 3 of you that I know look at this thing)... and now what to do? It is now 3:25 a.m.

Yeah! and Blah! at the same time.

Live From Fargo - Thank GOD It's Saturday Night!!

Here are the highlights from my week:

Monday: I brought the kids to daycare. Brynn was stuffy and visibly coming down with a cold. She had no fever and was in good spirits. When I dropped her off, I was told 1 of the kids was home with pnumonia. ("Oh, so that's what I have to look forward to, huh?" I said to myself.)I instructed dc to call me if she got any worse. I called at noon to see how she was. "Oh, she's GREAT! She's not coughing at all, it's all the other kids that are coughing." ("Oh wonderful," I thought to myself, "Maybe I should go get her so she doesn't stay with all of the other sickies...") I picked the kids up about 4:45 and was informed that Brynn had been running a fever all afternoon, she looked miserable, and Brandon wasn't eating. ("WTF!!!" I was screaming in my head.) Apparently, when I talked to dc provider's husband, he was just making up stuff. Whatevs. I did tell dc that I didn't appreciate these contradictory reports. Trip 1 to the walk-in clinic soon followed. The pediatric walk-in clinic was insane with sickies. The wait was going to be approximately 45 minutes. We settled in and waited it out. Result: Both kids have a cold, Brandon has a mild case of RSV. No prescription necessary, but thank GOD no pnumonia.

Tuesday: I stayed home with the chillins' as I am a firm believer and follower of the "fever-free for 24 hours prior to return to work" rule. Both kids were visibly struggling. Brynn made a fort underneath the kitchen table and fell asleep for 2.5 hours. Brandon had the most foul of diapers that I thought 1 of 3 things had happened. A) a skunk entered the house B) there was some sort of gas leak and the house was about to explode C) a skunk had entered the house with a tank of gas strapped to his back. Due to the extreme pooing skills, Brandon got a bath and I just wiped the poo streaks off of my clothes. I did about 3 loads of laundry (but kept on my dirty clothes for whatever reason. I remember applying fresh deoderant as I thought I was stinky). Brynn woke up in the middle of the night coughing so hard she couldn't catch her breath. She had another fever. No work for us on Wednesday.

Wednesday: I stayed home with the kids in the morning and Jeremy came home and took over for the afternoon. The morning went well, the kids seemed much improved. I had been using saline drops in Brandon's nose and I am a new biggest-fan-ever of those as they dried his snot up. Just as I was walking out the door at 12:45 (I should have been to work by 12:30...) Brynn started coughing hysterically again.... and she barfed up red crystal light all over the couch. Jeremy freaked out and went into a lecture, "Brynn, when you think you are about to vomit, please move away from all things that cannot be easily cleaned!" ("Whatevs weirdo, she's 3 1/2. She has no idea what you are talking about.") We removed the couch cushion cover, put it in the wash, and put Brynn in the tub. I happily headed for work. I called home about 3:30 to make sure Brandon had eaten his bottle (he can be a stinker for certain people). He was refusing to eat and was screaming in the background. My heart sank and hurt. Brynn was sleeping on the remaining 2 couch cushions. Later Wednesday night, Brandon was acting strange. Really strange --- he wanted to nurse, but he'd whimper. He'd fall asleep, but would wake up as soon as you put him down. You'd pick him up, he'd whimper. "Ah SHIZ," I said to myself, my husband, my mother, and ASK-A-NURSE, "He has an ear infection. I guarantee it." I packed him up at 9:15 and headed for the ER. We returned home at 11:45 with a fresh stock of amoxicilin. He and I ended up sleeping on the basement couch that night. "Sleeping" is not the correct term for what we actually did. He tossed fretfully and continued sporadic whimpering, while I tried to rub his tummy and rest my eyes.

Thursday: Brandon and I were the first to rouse. Had he not been my child, I would say that he looked like a homely, sleep deprived meth-head. Since he is my child, I did not say this - rather I brought him to Jeremy, and let him say it. Jeremy, without my prodding, said "OH Shiz! He can't go anywhere today." (and he had a fever...). Brandon ate and went back to sleep. It was decided that I needed to stay home with him cuz if he got wild, Jeremy does not have the proper equipment to soothe him. Brynn woke up healthy! Yeah!! But since she was healthy, she was ready to play. I was exhausted and ready to sleep. Brynn won this struggle... but quickly began to work my last nerve. Sometimes she gets jealous of her brother, so when I hold him, she acts out. Today she decided to color on the wood floors and dump her toys all over the ground. My mom picked her up at 5pm to have a little date with her and let me have a little reprieve. By 6pm I missed her and wanted her back home. (She didn't come home until 8pm though ... I'm not that freaky). I started to have anxiety bc Brandon decided to go to bed early -- thereby missing his medicine and his bath. Ahhh crap. I heart our schedule.

Friday: We all went back to work today!! I started to give dc's husband instructions on the amoxicilin and he played along for awhile before I finally realized (verbally, I might add), "Oh, you guys have 5 kids dontcha? You kinda know about this already...." and he said, "Yeah. We have it under control." I called at noon and the kids were fine. I didn't talk to the husband this time, so I felt confident in this report. The kids went to bed like champs, and I prepared for my first night out with FRIENDS in .... um.... a really, really, long time. I returned home from martini night, scarfed a PB&J and went to bed. I awoke at 2am to a whimpering Brynn. Her ear hurt. A lot. (Do you see where this is going??) I was able to get her comfortable with the assistance of the ear numbing drops that the ER had given me on Wednesday night for Brandon and told Jeremy that she was going in first thing in the morning... if she made it that long.

Saturday: I woke up on the couch. Brandon was helping himself to the ta-tas like a drunk at the slurpee machine. Brynn was sleeping on top of me. The cat was on my legs. Where was husband? He was in our queen sized bed, with a down blanket, and feather-filled pillows. I quickly summoned him to the living room. "DO YOU SEE THIS??? THIS IS WHAT BEING A MOTHER IS LIKE." He rolled his eyes and went back to bed. I got Brynn ready and we went to the pediatric walk-in clinic...again. She has an infection in both ears. We returned home. When Brandon went down for a nap, she and I went to Hornbachers and she requested fish sticks for lunch. ("OH gawd...really??" I have never bought fish sticks in my life. "Damn daycare giving you these options.") Then to CVS to get her meds. We came home and started to make the fish sticks. "Where's the tartar sauce?" says the annoying husband. "We can't eat fish sticks without tartar sauce." I went back to Hornbachers, but really only because secretly I wanted to get a movie from the redbox and hide from my family this afternoon. The line for redbox was insane. ("AHHHH SHIZ.") I returned home with the tartar sauce and no movie. Mid-afternoon I fell asleep on the same couch that I had woken up on this morning. I woke up to Brynn saying "MOMMY STOP 'NORING!!" and the tv muttering something about semen stains and bloody remains. "Really Jeremy? This is what you watch while I'm sleeping??" I turned the channel to Scooby-Doo and tried to go back to sleep. I woke up awhile later (similar request by Brynn, and Jeremy was wondering how we spell the cat's name. Insert your own comment here: ___________).

So, I'm just hoping we make it through Sunday allright. Kudos to anybody who stuck through this blogpost the whole way through.

Larson, OUT.

Pick Your Favorite Title:

Dramatic Title: Life is Like a North Dakota Snowbank: You Can’t See Around the Corner

Rapper Title: Life is Fo-Shizzle Wacked n’ Sketchy. Yo.

Romantic Title: Whence I Discover My Life’s True Desire, I Shall Inform Thee Forthwith.

Rhyming Title: What Should I Do? My Work Makes Me Blue?

Here’s what’s going on, cliff-notes style: I went to law school, incurred a lot of debt, gave up a job in Minneapolis, and moved the family back to Fargo. I then began work at a very, very small firm and due to the structure (or lack there-of) I was unable to pay my monthly bills as I was paid primarily through a profit-sharing structure. This was a perfect job – other than it was making me inch towards bankruptcy.

I took another job, as a non-attorney, on a temporary basis. I took this job to give myself time to find another attorney position and to get my family out of the financial jeopardy that my student loans and piddly paycheck had put us in to.

Hit fast-forward 1 year.

I’m still here, as a non-attorney. I’m becoming complacent. I fear that I have lost any and all legal relevance that I may have gathered between the years of 2006 and 2008, while I was actively in the law game. I have applied for at least 7 positions during this time period. I received 1 interview, and was ultimately rejected as the agency decided to not hire anybody. (small confidence boost there)

I feel I have 2 options:
1) Stay here and know that I’m doing right by my family. I have an excellent paycheck, great time off, health insurance, a 401k plan – STABILITY in other words. Drawback: I’m unhappy and feel like time spent away from my kids is meaningless (other than to provide for them, blah blah blah).

2) (Inhale a Deep Breath) Start my own solo-practice law firm. Feel fulfilled all day, but risk the paycheck, health insurance, and 401k…
I really want to do #2. I have an offer to return to my former place of employment and assumedly can name my own terms –which would be I am in charge of my own paycheck, and I could pay “rent” for office space in the form of “x” amount of “free” work on their files per week.
But I am oh so scared. Like Snow White walking through the forest after the huntsman said “Run away and never come back” scared and all the trees are yelling at her and stuff.

Comments? Advice?