Live From Fargo - Thank GOD It's Saturday Night!!

Here are the highlights from my week:

Monday: I brought the kids to daycare. Brynn was stuffy and visibly coming down with a cold. She had no fever and was in good spirits. When I dropped her off, I was told 1 of the kids was home with pnumonia. ("Oh, so that's what I have to look forward to, huh?" I said to myself.)I instructed dc to call me if she got any worse. I called at noon to see how she was. "Oh, she's GREAT! She's not coughing at all, it's all the other kids that are coughing." ("Oh wonderful," I thought to myself, "Maybe I should go get her so she doesn't stay with all of the other sickies...") I picked the kids up about 4:45 and was informed that Brynn had been running a fever all afternoon, she looked miserable, and Brandon wasn't eating. ("WTF!!!" I was screaming in my head.) Apparently, when I talked to dc provider's husband, he was just making up stuff. Whatevs. I did tell dc that I didn't appreciate these contradictory reports. Trip 1 to the walk-in clinic soon followed. The pediatric walk-in clinic was insane with sickies. The wait was going to be approximately 45 minutes. We settled in and waited it out. Result: Both kids have a cold, Brandon has a mild case of RSV. No prescription necessary, but thank GOD no pnumonia.

Tuesday: I stayed home with the chillins' as I am a firm believer and follower of the "fever-free for 24 hours prior to return to work" rule. Both kids were visibly struggling. Brynn made a fort underneath the kitchen table and fell asleep for 2.5 hours. Brandon had the most foul of diapers that I thought 1 of 3 things had happened. A) a skunk entered the house B) there was some sort of gas leak and the house was about to explode C) a skunk had entered the house with a tank of gas strapped to his back. Due to the extreme pooing skills, Brandon got a bath and I just wiped the poo streaks off of my clothes. I did about 3 loads of laundry (but kept on my dirty clothes for whatever reason. I remember applying fresh deoderant as I thought I was stinky). Brynn woke up in the middle of the night coughing so hard she couldn't catch her breath. She had another fever. No work for us on Wednesday.

Wednesday: I stayed home with the kids in the morning and Jeremy came home and took over for the afternoon. The morning went well, the kids seemed much improved. I had been using saline drops in Brandon's nose and I am a new biggest-fan-ever of those as they dried his snot up. Just as I was walking out the door at 12:45 (I should have been to work by 12:30...) Brynn started coughing hysterically again.... and she barfed up red crystal light all over the couch. Jeremy freaked out and went into a lecture, "Brynn, when you think you are about to vomit, please move away from all things that cannot be easily cleaned!" ("Whatevs weirdo, she's 3 1/2. She has no idea what you are talking about.") We removed the couch cushion cover, put it in the wash, and put Brynn in the tub. I happily headed for work. I called home about 3:30 to make sure Brandon had eaten his bottle (he can be a stinker for certain people). He was refusing to eat and was screaming in the background. My heart sank and hurt. Brynn was sleeping on the remaining 2 couch cushions. Later Wednesday night, Brandon was acting strange. Really strange --- he wanted to nurse, but he'd whimper. He'd fall asleep, but would wake up as soon as you put him down. You'd pick him up, he'd whimper. "Ah SHIZ," I said to myself, my husband, my mother, and ASK-A-NURSE, "He has an ear infection. I guarantee it." I packed him up at 9:15 and headed for the ER. We returned home at 11:45 with a fresh stock of amoxicilin. He and I ended up sleeping on the basement couch that night. "Sleeping" is not the correct term for what we actually did. He tossed fretfully and continued sporadic whimpering, while I tried to rub his tummy and rest my eyes.

Thursday: Brandon and I were the first to rouse. Had he not been my child, I would say that he looked like a homely, sleep deprived meth-head. Since he is my child, I did not say this - rather I brought him to Jeremy, and let him say it. Jeremy, without my prodding, said "OH Shiz! He can't go anywhere today." (and he had a fever...). Brandon ate and went back to sleep. It was decided that I needed to stay home with him cuz if he got wild, Jeremy does not have the proper equipment to soothe him. Brynn woke up healthy! Yeah!! But since she was healthy, she was ready to play. I was exhausted and ready to sleep. Brynn won this struggle... but quickly began to work my last nerve. Sometimes she gets jealous of her brother, so when I hold him, she acts out. Today she decided to color on the wood floors and dump her toys all over the ground. My mom picked her up at 5pm to have a little date with her and let me have a little reprieve. By 6pm I missed her and wanted her back home. (She didn't come home until 8pm though ... I'm not that freaky). I started to have anxiety bc Brandon decided to go to bed early -- thereby missing his medicine and his bath. Ahhh crap. I heart our schedule.

Friday: We all went back to work today!! I started to give dc's husband instructions on the amoxicilin and he played along for awhile before I finally realized (verbally, I might add), "Oh, you guys have 5 kids dontcha? You kinda know about this already...." and he said, "Yeah. We have it under control." I called at noon and the kids were fine. I didn't talk to the husband this time, so I felt confident in this report. The kids went to bed like champs, and I prepared for my first night out with FRIENDS in .... um.... a really, really, long time. I returned home from martini night, scarfed a PB&J and went to bed. I awoke at 2am to a whimpering Brynn. Her ear hurt. A lot. (Do you see where this is going??) I was able to get her comfortable with the assistance of the ear numbing drops that the ER had given me on Wednesday night for Brandon and told Jeremy that she was going in first thing in the morning... if she made it that long.

Saturday: I woke up on the couch. Brandon was helping himself to the ta-tas like a drunk at the slurpee machine. Brynn was sleeping on top of me. The cat was on my legs. Where was husband? He was in our queen sized bed, with a down blanket, and feather-filled pillows. I quickly summoned him to the living room. "DO YOU SEE THIS??? THIS IS WHAT BEING A MOTHER IS LIKE." He rolled his eyes and went back to bed. I got Brynn ready and we went to the pediatric walk-in clinic...again. She has an infection in both ears. We returned home. When Brandon went down for a nap, she and I went to Hornbachers and she requested fish sticks for lunch. ("OH gawd...really??" I have never bought fish sticks in my life. "Damn daycare giving you these options.") Then to CVS to get her meds. We came home and started to make the fish sticks. "Where's the tartar sauce?" says the annoying husband. "We can't eat fish sticks without tartar sauce." I went back to Hornbachers, but really only because secretly I wanted to get a movie from the redbox and hide from my family this afternoon. The line for redbox was insane. ("AHHHH SHIZ.") I returned home with the tartar sauce and no movie. Mid-afternoon I fell asleep on the same couch that I had woken up on this morning. I woke up to Brynn saying "MOMMY STOP 'NORING!!" and the tv muttering something about semen stains and bloody remains. "Really Jeremy? This is what you watch while I'm sleeping??" I turned the channel to Scooby-Doo and tried to go back to sleep. I woke up awhile later (similar request by Brynn, and Jeremy was wondering how we spell the cat's name. Insert your own comment here: ___________).

So, I'm just hoping we make it through Sunday allright. Kudos to anybody who stuck through this blogpost the whole way through.

Larson, OUT.