Totally Inappropriate Story to Share...

The kids were in the tub last night. They were playing without issue, so I went to throw a diaper away in the kitchen.  I returned to the bathroom 10 seconds later and this is what I  heard:

Daughter:  "Mom, I'm touching Brandon's heighness. With a 'poon!"

Me: "Um.. what?"

Daughter: "I'm touching his heighness!"

Son giggles and begins to laugh hysterically.

Me: "Oh, you're touching his PENIS with a SPOON??!!"

Daughter: "Yes! His highne-PE-ness!! And he likes it!"

Son continues to laugh hysterically as daughter demonstrates.

Me: "Oh, okay. Well, don't do that anymore okay? You don't need to touch his private parts. He doesn't touch your vagina, so just leave him alone."

Daughter: "Oh he can touch my be-gina." (daughter stands up and hands brother the spoon).

Me: "Okay, bathtime is over!"

*******

So, I later relayed a portion of this story to my mom and she was horrified. The part that horrified her was that I acutally use the words "penis" and "vagina" with my children.  Her opinion was that maybe the word "bottom" was more appropriate for the entire boy/girl private part region and that specific details could emerge later on in life... I disagree. So, I ask you, if you can get over the weirdness of my children, what do you let your kids call their "bottoms" ?

Sound Bites.

In honor of the deer hunting season opening (that I do NOT follow, participate in, nor care about), I shall speckle my post with bullets.

•  (Be careful, I don’t want to accidentally shoot you.)

• I just finished reading Back Roads. This was an Oprah book that I firmly believe slipped through her quality control department, because when I finished it, I didn’t want to heave myself off of a cliff or want to join a support group with similar book-reading survivors. There was also a number of Danielle Steele-worthy moments, and unless Oprah was fighting with Stedman (or Gayle depending on what gossip-mag you’re inclined to believe), I don’t recall that much “smut” being included in her books before…

• I’ve been trying to decide what I would do if I won $500. I would like to buy stuff, but the responsible thing would be to save it. As a result of my internal confliction, I surely hope that I don’t win a large sum of money anytime soon.

• I’m trying to convince somebody, anybody, to dress up like an Avatar as a birthday present for me. Simply put – I think this would be the BOMB. (For planning purposes, my birthday is November 20).

• Kim vs. Christmas Lights – the winner was the Christmas lights. I pulled out the ladder, the lights, and the hooks. I climbed the ladder. I was unable to understand the hook system. FAIL. I also attempted to do this during last weekend’s Vikings game, so my cries for help went unanswered. DOUBLE FAIL. I might just throw the lights on top of my pumpkin bags and call it good.

• I’ve recently found out that a bloggy friend of mine is pregnant! My first thought after feeling happiness and joy for her was, “Thank God it’s not me!” (Congrats Laura! You’ll make it!!)

• Another bloggy friend of mine has posted video of her family playing with a Kinect. (cross-reference bullet #2) and now I want one… problem is, I don’t have an Xbox. (Thanks Shanna!)

• I’ve been contemplating only giving home-made gifts this year. I’m not able to currently make a home-made doll house however, so the kids might get a pass. I’m already preemptively annoyed by making sure I spend the “right” amounts on people, and making sure I follow the lists correctly.

• Stray bullet. Be careful.

That baby grew.

She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was Four years-old.

She refused to eat anything but candy and drink anything but chocolate milk or grape juice.
She would only wear pink dresses and she would always be a sleepyhead-grump-bucket in the morning.
Oftentimes her mother would fear what she was in for when this Four year-old turned sixteen.

But sometimes, late at night, if that Four year-old girl was really sleeping...
That mother would sneak into her bedroom and cuddle up next to that sleeping girl, on that creaky bed.
She would rub the girl's tummy and kiss her cheeks and think to herself,

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be -- and thank God for you."